Birthing Alana

Birthing Alana
My birth story …how I saw it … swearing and all ..(consider that your MA rating) 

SOOOOO…. Where to start?, “At the beginning” I hear you all yelling at me in my direction, well, that’s just it!, where was the beginning?, this is something that I am still unclear of myself, was it the start of my labour at 20 weeks when my cervix had shortened to 8mm despite progesterone?, or the time that I found myself scared and bleeding at the end of my second trimester?, OR was it when I was hospitalised after 30 hours of contractions 2 minutes apart at 28 weeks?...I have no idea!, all I know is that this pregnancy has been far from joyous, which is sad really, you’d think that after 14 rounds of heart breaking if cycles and 8 losses that I’d be blessed with a great pregnancy and enjoy every single second and bask in its glory right?...RIGHT???. Wrong!  
So as I mentioned above, this is our little miracle blessing, our if baby our rainbow baby, call her what you will, but she is MINE!!, allllll mine and I am SO blessed to have her. I also have another blessing, a five year old blessing named Mollie, affectionately called Moo, she was IVF as well well and worked first round and I really did have the perfect pregnancy with her, she was born at 32 weeks but besides that there were no complications. Just really a messy and very medical and technically monitored labour that seemed to be more about trying to get my baby out as fast as they could so the staff could go home, 21 hours after my water broke she was born, that was after an epidural that I asked not to have, and Pitocin, that I asked not to have, and being hooked up to the monitors that I also asked not to have, but at the end of the labour your expected to be happy and grateful and worship at the feet of the doctors for saving your baby from a long stressful labour and be forever at their mercy Amen!.....NO!!.. Screw you Amen, and screw you doctors, all you did was remove my rights in replace of your power, and while I am thankful that she was safe and here alive, I found myself dwelling on what could have been. 
So this pregnancy I vowed to do it MY way, with a little compromise with husband of course, if he had his way he would have had me on a slab bed having her cut out, sewed up and back at home doing daily chores and being super mum all in a week’s time (well maybe a little over the top but hey…). 
I was talking to my dear friend Kirsty (how I love that girl) about placenta encapsulation, and while all of her friends were giving her grief for it I was curious, interested and slightly amused by it, it was this interest that lead me on the path to finding a doula, one search for placenta encapsulation on google lead to other searches such as hypno birthing and natural birth and they all kind of pointed to a doula being the best resource for it all, like a perfect package !!, I forgot about the doula thing after a while and figured that the services would only really be available in the big smoke and that a small country town wouldn’t really have anything available, then one day I was on gumtree looking for a birthing ball, I typed in “birthing “and an add popped up for a Doula service in the Ballarat area, it was a sign!!, I screen shot the add and took a few days to think about it and decided to call her. I got her voice mail “hi this is Sandy….”, OMG she sounded so sweet on the phone and I left a message for her to call me back. She did, and I booked a appointment there and then for us to meet and talk about what it is that she offers, she came around that night and I just knew as soon as I opened the door that this was the woman that was going to help me bring my baby into the world, little did she know the long road in birth support that she had signed herself up to with me, as my pregnancy was FAR from normal. 
I’m not going to share with you all what discussions/methods and natural interventions that sandy and (that’s my doula) had in place, remember I was nowhere near full term and some of the things we tried and contemplated to try and beat my induction would be considered controversial and I am not going there, all you need to know is that we tried to make my pregnancy more comfortable by trying many SAFE and natural things. 
So should I skip to the day of the birth then?...lets … 
So It was a Wednesday and I had my usual weekly appointment at the ANC clinic, I informed them that I had some period pain that morning but that was nothing out of the ordinary and it happened quite a lot really, they put it down to my cervix shortening, so they decided to give me a internal examination, they informed me that my cervix was 2 cm dilated, I was 36 weeks and booked in to be induced the following week, the dr asked if I wanted her to do a stretch and sweep, I agreed and she performed it very quickly and it was over in a few seconds, she told me that I may get some light cramping that day and that if anything was going to happen it would do so in the next half a day, but she was certain that id need a few stretch and sweeps to get me going. 
I left the appointment feeling fine, I had a little fluid loss but put that down to maybe the gel leaking into my knickers as I had no other symptoms. 
I have NO idea what compelled me to do the following but I felt the need to go to Big W and purchase a capsule, not only did I purchase it but I installed it, then I organised my hospital bag and placed it by the front door, followed by writing a detailed list of step by step instructions on how to care for and not neglect our 5 year old daughter, for my husband and placed it on the fridge. 
The ANC had asked me to present to labour later in the night if my period cramping returned, it did, about 3 o’clock it returned, was uncomfortable but bearable and by 8:30pm it was still hanging around, I rang my friend tacy and asked if she minded coming with me for company to the hospital, she picked me up and while we were driving to the hospital I mentioned to my friend that I had a strange moment where it felt as though the baby was screwing her head down into my pelvis, it didn’t hurt at all but felt ….strange. There was no sign of labour so I wasn’t concerned. 
We parked the car across the road from the hospital and we got out, I got half way across the road and suddenly I felt a big kick and a massive flood of water, yep my water broke, in the middle of the road, traffic stopped I stood stunned and turned to Tracy, “fuck my water just broke!” screeched to her (now might be a good time to announce that this birth story may contain offensive language….a lot of offensive language), she started laughing uncontrollably, which I  am sure was a nervous reaction, and she called my husband to inform him, while I rang Sandy, whom was calm and said she would be there as soon as she could, why was she so dam calm?...I was freaking out!! 
So by the time that I made it to the hospital emergency entrance I was on my hands and knees moaning in pain, the staff tried to convince me to get into the wheel chair but I declined, I was worried that sitting down would make it harder for me to get back up as I was in so much pain. 
We are placed in a room that is a small examination room and the labour was really coming along fast, I had a few brief moments where I felt as though I needed to push but then they calmed down, this is the point that sandy turned up, omg I was so happy to see her, I think the first thing that I said to her was “who’s stupid idea was this to try and do this without drugs? “ ****transition stage number one **** 
They moved me into a darkened labour room and I needed the rest room, I sat on the toilet for a wee, which was easy enough, but then followed a massive mind blowing contraction, I was a little 
worried that I was going to have a baby on the toilet!, I got up and made it to the hand basin, which was a major effort, I leant over the basin and sandy came in to check on me, it was at this point that I realised there was no turning back, I looked at sandy and said “I think I want something for the pain now, I have done so well, I won’t be disappointed in myself I promise”****transition number two****. Sandy just gently rubbed my back and “said to me ï think your transitioning “and gave me a look that I interpreted as” its way too late for drugs my darling!, you’re going to do this intervention free!” 
So into the darkened room I return and kneel beside the bed on a mat, to my horror the pooh monster appeared! yes that right!..POOH!!, EVERYWHERE !!, including on my own foot!!, I was so embarrassed!!, ÖMG i just poohed on my own foot!!: i yelled ****transition number three*** it’s after this point that my brain just shut off and my memory left me along with the pooh! 
It was this point that my husband turned up, I was getting worried that he was going to miss the birth, and in a way I think I kind of held things off a little until he got there. 
I was oblivious to it at the time but the nurses were concerned that I was dehydrated and bubs heart beat was too high, the nurse kept a constant eye on the heart rhythm without trying to restrict my freedom, I could feel that I was pushing but every time I stopped I could feel her head retracting back up into the uterus, they managed to get me up onto the bed on my knees hugging the pillow and very quickly I started pushing, I am unaware if there was any talk going on in the room at the time but in my head there was dead silence, I honestly could not even hear my own earthly groans and yells, then I heard someone say “turn around and take your baby”….I froze!, I didn’t want to turn around!, I wanted to see her so bad but at the same time I was scared!, I don’t know why… 
I turned around and saw her for the first time and fought back a sudden rush of tears that was a mixture of love and relief with a tiny pinch of proud. 
I look down to my right leg to see an injection being stabbed into me and remember thinking WWWHHOOAAA what is this??!!, this was not in my birth plan!, I protested by sharply yelling “what the fuck was that!??”(my doula reminded me of this moment), I can’t remember if the nurses explained to me exactly what it was or not, but I knew it was for the placenta, the birthing of the placenta I must say was actually the worst part for me!, it was very unpleasant. 
I was so proud of myself and even announced to my friend Tracy whom stayed for the whole birth “and I didn’t even swear!!”, she said “oh yes you did!, there were a few fucks in there” 
The next hour was a total blur, I know I fed her and had a cuddle and some skin to skin, they she was checked over and had to be rushed off to the SCN, I then took a shower and made my way over there to see her. 
I was SO grateful for all of the support that I had between the midwives, doula and my friend Tracy. 
So there you go !!, I did it!!, not the way I planned but I had a drug free natural birth and I experienced the raw pleasure of birth, the way it is meant to be and for that I am so proud

Ballarat birth support ~~ https://www.facebook.com/ballaratbirthsupport

My new page, Mothers milk soap ~~ https://www.facebook.com/mothersmilksoap

Finding Dad after last seeing him at 2 months old

After 30 something years, I have found and met my birth father:)
Yep!, after seven years of actively looking for my father with all dead ends, I decided to post a pic to Facebook and have my friends share it, as a plea!, it had heaps of shares and very positive comments, everyone was very supportive and although I wasn't very confident, I was hopeful.
Then a week later......
A Facebook inbox message from a John brown, surely this was a cruel hoax!,
So after a few days and more pleading inbox messages from a John brown, I decided to ring the number he provided, putting my phone on silent, I ring, no answer, I left a message "hi John, this is the woman from Facebook looking for her dad, ill ring back in 5", 2 minutes later I ring, he answers, "hi Cindy  I'm your dad, I have been looking for you", omfg!!!, my blood runs cold!!, we talk for a bit, small talk, and a week later we are taking a DNA test,

So we wait, and we wait , and we wait some more, then one Sunday night the ping of my email on my iPhone goes off, 9pm!, that's a late one, normally i would leave it to the morning to check, but for some reason i have a look,

Dear Cindy,
                   the results of the recent DNA test has confirmed that John Brown is the biological Father of Cindy Hobbs because they share the same genetic make up, the percentage is 99.98652332656216%

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I waste no time getting on facebook and telling the world!!!

so i talk to Dad on the phone the next day, he tells me he is coming down on the weekend to meet his Daughter!! omfg!!!, am i ready??....

so the weekend arrives (to cut a long story short) and we meet at the city oval hotel for lunch, omg we were smiling like little school children, when he spoke to me he could not hold eye contact for fear of giggling  i was the same.
So we survived lunch and we made arrangements to meet at my place for tea, i pulled out all the stops, even set the table lol, i felt like a proud house wife, polished the cheap cutlery, picked out the best op shop plates, and even cooked roast potatoes, something that i knew i could not fuck up!, and i was complimented on them ;)

we caught up a fe days later, we both needed a day to let things sink in and he had other family to see, i forgot to mention that he came from Perth the Victoria to meet me.

We met at the cemetery and his sister Sue was there with her husband and their son, i hugged them all and sucked in the moment as a memory that will stay with me forever.

Why the cemetery i can hear you asking...

Well Dad wanted to show me Nan's grave and his Brothers grave, all these years i have been going to the cementery to see my Mums Mum and the whole time if i had have turned around i ould have basically been standing on my other Nan"s grave !!
We went from there to the pub and had a cuppa, he had to leave after that, he hugged me and we both felt the ping of heart ache of separation, i miss him and i want him back, i guess im scared his going to disappear again, i know he wont on reality but you know....

Dad, I love you, i miss you, i treasure you xxx

Introduction

Welcome to my Blog....The truthful Mummy!.....YES!.....TRUTHFUL!!, some things on this blog may be a little harsh, truthful, embarrassing, unconventional, confronting,out there, and definitely....TRUTHFUL!.

I am not afraid to say what most are and i may offend some, but at the end of the day i assure you, if you are also truthful, that you would have been in many a mind states and situations as myself as a mother.

so before you take the time to judge, take the time to smile!!, and try and see the glass as half full.

So let me begin by introducing myself, i am Cindy, a mother of one daughter who is the delicate age of three and a half going on thirteen.
I am a 33 yr old, happily married woman whom started my family late (my daughter was IVF) and i now find myself as a happily fulfilled human spirit who has a life busier than it has ever been, more chaotic than ever planned and and almost a comedy of errors in the parenting side of things.

My daughter, Mollie, or Moo as she affectionately named, was born prem at 34 weeks gestation, apart from a few feeding problems, she was healthy and beautiful, slept well at the hospital and all the staff were in orr of her, she came home two weeks after birth.

she was home...YAYYY..., until...... the minute we took her home from the hospital..... things went bad!.... why wasnt she sleeeeeepingggggg!!!, why was she always feeeedddingggggg!!.....cryyyyingggg!!! AAAGGGHHHHHHHH....
i think you get the picture!.
anyway..... months the no sleep and constant feeding continued and for months the only thing that got me thru to the next week was the praise that all of my friends and the local health nurse was giving me telling me that i was doing a fantastic job!!, i was??...who knew!...hu!.
But after a while it became too draining, this little beauty of mine was sucking everything that i had out of me....and my boobs!, so i packed my pride in my nappy bag and headed off to the dr.

as i look back now it all seems so surreal, i can't believe how far i have come with her and most importantly, we are both ALIVE!, as i sit here on the bench seat in the back yard with my coffee going cold beside me and watching moo terrorise the dogs, eat dirt, digging up the garden, pouring hand fulls of granite stone in my shoes and try to explain to her why she doesn't need a jumper on a 30 degree day, i realise that everything i have done has moulded this little girl (and me) into the people we are today, and i believe that we are indeed, not to shabby in society's eyes....so for that, i give myself an applause.
 So, jumping off track there for a bit, what did the dr say you ask?, well, a referral for a sleeping school was organised and off to tweedle i went with my tail between my legs ready to be ordered into submission y the "sleep specialists", i enter the world (hospital/nursing home style set up) and sit around in a circle of other mums, announce my name and my daughters and give a brief description of why we were here..."Hi, im Cindy, this is Moo, and this is a sleep school if i'm not mistaken so i guess i'm here for ummm....well...sleep!Hu!", following this what i thought was a humorous and sleep deprived introduction of myself and my daughter was the sound of crickets chirping......lovely!.

So after a week of sleep school and the meeting of a lovely girl named kirsty whom is still my fried to this day (she was the only one that got my sense of rude humour) i went home with no hope of improvement in sight, so, my Dr organised a sleep specialist to do home visits, this was a comedy of errors also as the woman was terminated from her position as she was claiming to be at work when infact she was sitting home watching Dr.phil...i love Dr.phil too but COME ONNNNN!!!!!.
So...back to the Dr, then a referral for a specialist, then a blood test, then a brain scan and WULLAAAAAHHH!!!!....a diagnosis of Melatonin Deficiency !, something that could be fixed with 1ml of melatonin replacement, a sigh of relief and bottle of magic potion and i was off home and a healthy sleeping pattern arose :)

So this is the introduction to the life as i call stumbling parenting, oh dont be disheartened!, thats not all of the excitement over!, no, no, no....i don't get off that light!, there is a introduction part two coming, but at the moment i have to de stone my shoes and make moo some lunch, so it will have to wait for the next rare half an hr i get to myself!